Some guys just leave, some say they need to breakup, trying to soften the blow. My ex has left me, as well. We met in a chat room in summer 2016. We have not been talking much during the first year, but in the end of the year our communication has improved and here we go. You know, I soon got strongly attached to him, and so, one day, my heart was shoot with an arrow of love. It was so weird for me. I will not go into details, so briefly – I was waiting the whole year to meet him. We talked every day on Romance Compass, but it was far from real life communication. I needed a date (a real one). I started to keep a diary and copied my feelings there. And it happened, we met on January 4, 2018 and became inseparable since that meeting. We lacked long and emotional phone conversations though. We were using online chats. The thing is that you cannot be that emotional in chats. Well, we kept dating so I kept my diary…

Four months passed and nothing seemed to signify the breakup. In the middle of May the problems showed up. I wanted to talk it over, to have an intimate talk, but I was busy … The problems though were real. He was annoyed because I did not call him first and did not initiated our meetings. Then, he did not invite me to celebrate his birthday and disappeared. One day I saw him online and typed, “ are you leaving me?” He confirmed my hunch, saying that he would like us to remain friends.

It was exactly what I was so afraid of … I came to my mother, she calmed me down, I called a friend, and I cried, spilling my guts on my friend. I woke up in the morning and realized that what had happened was terrifying. It was a hard and painful break up, because he didit online, without even talking in private or meeting me. Irecalled some of our dates, the first time he said he loved me… It was an unexpected stab in the back.

But you know what, I understand him. I had a similar situation of my own. I could say goodbye to someone who was in love with me. It was a big mistake. I hurt that guy and so the next one hurt me. It was my karma. Anyway, I was shocked with his hesitation. Is it okay for a mad to to so? Am I too demanding?

One thing I know for sure is that I’m grateful to him for being close, the main thing is to learn to forgive, and I forgave. In the end of my diary I wrote a letter to my ex. I truly and sincerely hope that he will be all right. I packed my diary and sent him the package. I would like him to get to know that it was a pleasure to date him.

Time passed, and we talked from time to time. I even decided to suggest a romantic relationship once but get a silence in respond. I understood that it was the end. Not the end of my life. It was the end of another chapter of my life, another stage…

Everyone deserves be happy. After all, happiness is around us. Close friends, morning sun… It is necessary to learn to feel happy for other people. This is the best way to attract happiness. Learn to live, making minimum mistakes and stop thinking about suicide, as it is an illusion of a way out. Yearning, tenderness, power, pride, sensuality, affection – all this feelings are mixed up in Love word.

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